


DON'T FUCKING READ THIS DON'T READ IT WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING READ THIS

by chivalrousamour



Series: modern au/youtube au collection lol??? [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: ... - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21574048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chivalrousamour/pseuds/chivalrousamour
Summary: Dimitri felt a buzz in his pocket, checking his phone as his friends chatted around him.dimitriiiiiiiiiiiimy name is hila nowDimitri was very confused when he read that.Hilda?i need you to give me the d ;)
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Series: modern au/youtube au collection lol??? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553266
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	DON'T FUCKING READ THIS DON'T READ IT WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING READ THIS

"Dimitri," Hilda said, walking into their living room with a paper package under her arm. "Can you help me out?"

"With what?" Dimitri asked from his spot on the couch, looking up from his notes.

"I got a new idea for a product for my shop," she told him. "You know how like, fancy panties are super expensive? But it's also really hot to have someone tear them off? I decided to make cheap underwear that you can tear off real easy for everyone who has those kinds of problems."

Dimitri suddenly had an idea where this was going.

"But of course, I gotta test 'em out before selling them..." Hilda said with a grin, leaning towards him. "Flexibility, comfort, how easy it is for someone else to tear off..."

"Hilda...?"

"Can you help me out?" Hilda asked again, right before Dimitri pulled her into a kiss.

Hilda hurriedly pulled away, blushing as she screamed, "w-wait! Dimitri! I'm not even wearing a sample yet!"

Dimitri decided to let Hilda take the initiative next time, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

It turns out that she absolutely was not uncomfortable, given that she stripped in front of him and put on a pair of sample panties.

"Okay, now I'm ready~!" Hilda exclaimed. "Go for it!"

* * *

"Dimitri, are you busy?" Hilda asked.

"Not really," Dimitri answered, setting aside his training weights. 

"Okay, great, because I need your help. I dropped something and I can't reach it."

Dimitri innocently went to help her, asking "where did you drop it?"

His eye widened when he realized that was dressed in a tank top and shorts, but unlike him, she hadn't been exercising. 

And Hilda grinned mischievously, before grabbing her breasts with her hands and pushing them up.

"I dropped it in here," she said. 

It turned out that what she dropped was a condom.

* * *

Dimitri knew her intentions the moment she walked into their bedroom wearing a revealing nightgown, but Hilda insisted on playing innocent.

"Dimitri, I think I got a new way to measure ring sizes," she said. "Can you help me test it out?"

"What do I do?" Dimitri asked, sitting up way too straight on their bed as she approached. She grinned as she put her knee between his legs, leaning towards him...

Lifting up the hem of her nightgown enough to show off her panties, she said, "insert your fingers here, please!"

* * *

"I can't believe this. That's literally unbelievable," Felix said. 

"It's true!" Ashe insisted. 

Dimitri felt a buzz in his pocket, checking his phone as his friends chatted around him.

> _dimitriiiiiiiiiiii  
>  my name is hila now_

Dimitri was very confused when he read that.

> _Hilda?_
> 
> _i need you to give me the d ;)_

Dimitri stood up from the table suddenly, making his chair crash against the wall.

"...Dimitri?" Dedue asked.

"Sorry, I need to leave," Dimitri declared. "Hilda needs my help at home."

Sylvain tried to make a dirty joke, only for Ingrid to smack him. There was no way it was something like that, she said.

> _Hold on. I'm coming soon._
> 
> _oh, you WILL be!_

* * *

Dimitri didn't know why he didn't realize that Halloween also fell within the "testing stage" until Hilda showed him her costume.

"Hold on, I have two different lines for this situation, but I don't know which one's better," Hilda said, and Dimitri couldn't even react.

"Okay, the first one is, _'will you help me put the succ in succubus?'"_ Hilda told him. "But, it kinda works better when we're texting, huh? The other one is, _'I heard massaging helps boobs grow bigger, wanna help me test it out?'"_

Dimitri gulped, unable to get himself to stop staring.

"Which one do you like be--?"

Hilda didn't even get to finish the question before Dimitri pressed their lips together.

* * *

In the end, they had to take a day off from classes. 

Hilda laid in bed beside Dimitri, leaning against him as she held her laptop, open to her online store's homepage. He had one of his arms around her waist, holding her close.

"Wow, geez, that's way more orders than I thought there'd be," Hilda said, before turning to Dimitri and smiling. "It's all thanks to you, Dimitri!"

"I'm glad I could help," Dimitri replied. He couldn't help but let his gaze wander, satisfied at the sight of his handiwork. Bite marks, hickeys, and bruises littered Hilda's body.

Noticing his stare, Hilda's grin turned mischievous as she put her laptop away.

She turned over and trailed her hand over his bare chest lightly, over Dimitri's own collection of markings, saying, "hey, Dimitri, I've got more ideas. Next is either an easy-to-tear nightgown or easy-to-tear underwear for men."

Hilda's question came out as a breath by his ear, making him shudder as he pulled her closer.

"Which one do you want us to test next?"

**Author's Note:**

> lol my plan is that i can and will give you scenarios that obviously lead to sex but then i won't give you the sex. i will keep cutting away and eventually one of you reader people will want the actual sex so much that you will write the porn, and then there will be content for hildimitri that wasn't written by me or harmonious! mwahahahahaha~!


End file.
